My sister and I were talking about my blog the other day and I had the idea for her to be a guest blogger. She's a photographer and blogs over at www.ashleymurphy.com. It's lovely over there. It's peaceful and calming and you get to look at strangers kids without feeling like a creeper... because it's PHOTOGRAPHY! ... But I know my sister is holding back a lot of what she thinks.
"Why not just blog on my page because really, I think it'd be good for you. You're hilarious and your thoughts are actually a little more fucked up than mine with less cursing."
So I think this will be a new thing. If you want to get some shit off of your chest, blow off some steam or just want to write about something that's been inching you near the edge of the cliff... feel free to e-mail me and I'll do a guest blog so you can post your thoughts over here. It can be anonymous of course, but everyone has that thought that they're not going to say. Just feel free to write it here.
So... Here it is. The very first guest blog by Ashley Murphy.
My sister thought it would be good, therapeutic... something... for me to do a little writing on her blog. I’m very excited to be a guest blogger on her website. Let’s give the keyboard a spin around the old block and see how many fucks I can try not to give while writing this.
I love that I don’t have to filter what I want to say on here, but no matter how foul my language is, it will never compare to the filth that comes out of Taylor’s mouth. She is the Frankenstein of curse words, cutting and hacking words up and sewing them onto new words to make “super filth” on steroids. It’s awesome and I envy her “I don’t give a shit what you think of me” attitude. I wish I was more like that, but typically I just think it and put it in my thought box.
Right now I’m having a hard time concentrating on writing because I have a screaming child in my ear and all I can hear is “waa-waa-waa-I’m unhappy- waa-waa- I’m not going to tell you why- waa-waa-let’s play ‘you try everything to make me happy’ -waa-waa- no, nothing is working so I’m going to cry until you jump off the tallest building - waa-waa!
Alright, she’s daddy’s problem now, so it’s back to the nonsense I was typing...
Originally I was going to write about the joys of mommyhood, but I’m not sure that’s such a great idea. Why you ask? Well, I’m learning that mommyhood is a blessing and a joy, but women don’t tell you what happens behind closed doors because some of that shit you can never erase from your memory. Some of that shit literally is a shit ton of shit. Then I thought about story time and all the delicious and embarrassing stories I could dredge up about Taylor, but paybacks are a bitch and quite frankly, that bitch has way more dirt on me. Maybe when I’m drunk enough to bring up the past you’ll find out that...
Oh, you thought I was about to give myself away... that’s adorable.
I started thinking about all the topics I could talk about. I’m pretty boring and don’t have a whole lot going on. I’m not working at the moment because I’m still on maternity leave, I sit at home most days with baby girl and we play the “what’s going to make you happy” game... most days I lose and then Chase comes home and we both drag ourselves through the evening trying to make dinner, get baby girl to sleep and prep for the next day. I’m living in my own movie of Groundhogs Day half the time. I’m living in my own movie of Groundhogs Day half the time. I’m living in my own movie of Groundhogs Day half the time so, what can I talk about that would be somewhat interesting...
Food! Who doesn’t like food? Skinny bitches, that’s who! I hate them! You know who you are! You’re that girl who is a size zero sitting next to my not-so size zero ass bitching about how fat you look in your tiny shorts. Quit! I may decide to eat you one day just so I don’t have to listen to you bitch about how “fat” you are. I’m getting off topic, anyway, I started dieting. After having my baby I lost a good 20 lbs, but I still have 20 lbs to go. I wanted to drop the weight instantly and in an unhealthy attempt I tried the cabbage soup diet. It’s not that bad for you, it’s pretty much vegetable soup, but you’re supposed to eat this soup for breakfast, lunch and dinner for a solid week.
Duh, you’re going to lose weight on this thing... you’re eating nothing but soup. Two days into this diet I gave up. I was eating this soup like crazy and was still HUNGRY. I would be watching T.V. and a big juicy burger would come on the screen. Looking at my husband with crazy dilated eyes, foam spilling from my mouth and drool pooling in places I’m not proud of, I would tell him "I want a burger." I would be dead set on us going to eat a burger. I had to have that burger! The next commercial would come on for Dairy Queen... look at the last four sentences and repeat! I was ready to be “that girl” sitting in my living room in nothing but my underwear with a Thanksgiving feast in front of me. I wanted to gorge myself. Ugh, hello... not healthy!
I started talking to my sister-in-law and mother-in-law and they told me about the Paleo Diet and the 17 Day Diet. The Paleo Diet is basically eating meats, fish, nuts, leafy greens, veggies and seeds. No pasta, no bread, no grains, no happiness... so I thought. Hubby and I have been doing this diet/the 17 Day Diet this week. So far it’s going well. I haven’t had any grains and have lost 2 lbs. I don’t really feel like explaining the whole diet to you so, open your Google window and search. I’ve had more seafood this week than I have had in over 3 years combined! The great thing is I’m not counting calories or starving myself, so thankfully those burger commercials aren’t testing my will power. I don’t think I can say goodbye to grains forever because that’s just plain crazy, but until I lose the weight I’m sticking to this as best as I can. I recommend the Squash Spaghetti if you’re interested, it’s delicious!
Watch out skinny bitch, here I come!
"Why not just blog on my page because really, I think it'd be good for you. You're hilarious and your thoughts are actually a little more fucked up than mine with less cursing."
 |
| Still trying to decide who is who... |
So I think this will be a new thing. If you want to get some shit off of your chest, blow off some steam or just want to write about something that's been inching you near the edge of the cliff... feel free to e-mail me and I'll do a guest blog so you can post your thoughts over here. It can be anonymous of course, but everyone has that thought that they're not going to say. Just feel free to write it here.
So... Here it is. The very first guest blog by Ashley Murphy.
My sister thought it would be good, therapeutic... something... for me to do a little writing on her blog. I’m very excited to be a guest blogger on her website. Let’s give the keyboard a spin around the old block and see how many fucks I can try not to give while writing this.
I love that I don’t have to filter what I want to say on here, but no matter how foul my language is, it will never compare to the filth that comes out of Taylor’s mouth. She is the Frankenstein of curse words, cutting and hacking words up and sewing them onto new words to make “super filth” on steroids. It’s awesome and I envy her “I don’t give a shit what you think of me” attitude. I wish I was more like that, but typically I just think it and put it in my thought box.
Right now I’m having a hard time concentrating on writing because I have a screaming child in my ear and all I can hear is “waa-waa-waa-I’m unhappy- waa-waa- I’m not going to tell you why- waa-waa-let’s play ‘you try everything to make me happy’ -waa-waa- no, nothing is working so I’m going to cry until you jump off the tallest building - waa-waa!
Alright, she’s daddy’s problem now, so it’s back to the nonsense I was typing...
Originally I was going to write about the joys of mommyhood, but I’m not sure that’s such a great idea. Why you ask? Well, I’m learning that mommyhood is a blessing and a joy, but women don’t tell you what happens behind closed doors because some of that shit you can never erase from your memory. Some of that shit literally is a shit ton of shit. Then I thought about story time and all the delicious and embarrassing stories I could dredge up about Taylor, but paybacks are a bitch and quite frankly, that bitch has way more dirt on me. Maybe when I’m drunk enough to bring up the past you’ll find out that...
Oh, you thought I was about to give myself away... that’s adorable.
I started thinking about all the topics I could talk about. I’m pretty boring and don’t have a whole lot going on. I’m not working at the moment because I’m still on maternity leave, I sit at home most days with baby girl and we play the “what’s going to make you happy” game... most days I lose and then Chase comes home and we both drag ourselves through the evening trying to make dinner, get baby girl to sleep and prep for the next day. I’m living in my own movie of Groundhogs Day half the time. I’m living in my own movie of Groundhogs Day half the time. I’m living in my own movie of Groundhogs Day half the time so, what can I talk about that would be somewhat interesting...
Food! Who doesn’t like food? Skinny bitches, that’s who! I hate them! You know who you are! You’re that girl who is a size zero sitting next to my not-so size zero ass bitching about how fat you look in your tiny shorts. Quit! I may decide to eat you one day just so I don’t have to listen to you bitch about how “fat” you are. I’m getting off topic, anyway, I started dieting. After having my baby I lost a good 20 lbs, but I still have 20 lbs to go. I wanted to drop the weight instantly and in an unhealthy attempt I tried the cabbage soup diet. It’s not that bad for you, it’s pretty much vegetable soup, but you’re supposed to eat this soup for breakfast, lunch and dinner for a solid week.
Duh, you’re going to lose weight on this thing... you’re eating nothing but soup. Two days into this diet I gave up. I was eating this soup like crazy and was still HUNGRY. I would be watching T.V. and a big juicy burger would come on the screen. Looking at my husband with crazy dilated eyes, foam spilling from my mouth and drool pooling in places I’m not proud of, I would tell him "I want a burger." I would be dead set on us going to eat a burger. I had to have that burger! The next commercial would come on for Dairy Queen... look at the last four sentences and repeat! I was ready to be “that girl” sitting in my living room in nothing but my underwear with a Thanksgiving feast in front of me. I wanted to gorge myself. Ugh, hello... not healthy!
I started talking to my sister-in-law and mother-in-law and they told me about the Paleo Diet and the 17 Day Diet. The Paleo Diet is basically eating meats, fish, nuts, leafy greens, veggies and seeds. No pasta, no bread, no grains, no happiness... so I thought. Hubby and I have been doing this diet/the 17 Day Diet this week. So far it’s going well. I haven’t had any grains and have lost 2 lbs. I don’t really feel like explaining the whole diet to you so, open your Google window and search. I’ve had more seafood this week than I have had in over 3 years combined! The great thing is I’m not counting calories or starving myself, so thankfully those burger commercials aren’t testing my will power. I don’t think I can say goodbye to grains forever because that’s just plain crazy, but until I lose the weight I’m sticking to this as best as I can. I recommend the Squash Spaghetti if you’re interested, it’s delicious!
Watch out skinny bitch, here I come!